Divorcing Parents Aided by Educational Program
Parents of Divorce in New York State Tap Into Program for Guidance
Aug 23, 2009
In New York state, parental separation or divorce impacts more than one million children, according to Susan L. Pollet, Esq., Coordinator of the New York State Parent Education and Awareness Program. Launched in 2005, the program teaches parents how to ease the effects of the marital split on their children while providing for their continuing health and welfare.
Since its inception, the program has been attended by more than 18,000 parents, says Pollet in a recent phone interview from her White Plains, N.Y. office. Some of the classes are free; others are based on a sliding income scale. Individuals who meet established poverty guidelines attend for free. No one is denied the right to participate, she adds.
Curriculum Targets Parenting, Child Well-Being and Legal Issues
Typically involving 6 to 8 hours of classes, the curriculum includes a four-topic segment focused on parenting and child well-being issues such as being a good role model for children, how to talk and listen to them, how to be creative in problem solving and how to avoid conflict with the other parent. This part of the curriculum is usually taught by a psychologist, social worker or parent educator.
About an hour of the curriculum is devoted to the legal process, giving parents a basic understanding of issues such as custody definitions, resolving disputes and child support. This segment is usually taught by an attorney or judge.
Classes are designed solely for parents. While the certified instructors must follow a prescribed curriculum, Pollet says they can deliver it through their own multi-modal presentations such as videos, PowerPoint slide shows and hypothetical scenarios.
Splitting Parents Learn How to Behave in Front of Their Children
The caretaking parent's well-being is a key focus point of the program. Emphasis is put on the need for that parent to take good care of her or himself. There are also pointers about how to handle dating in front of the children and the need for children to see parents act respectively towards each other.
A second focus point is "how to tell your children you are separating or divorcing," says Pollet. Parents are taught to be aware of the children's response as a window into their feelings. This segment is presented developmentally, "so parents know how children respond at different ages."
The child's other parent and ways to reduce conflict between the splitting couple are a third focus point. "How the parents behave is the most important factor in how the children adjust," adds Pollet. Parents learn why it is crucial not to be trapped into conflict and also not to have children caught in the middle. They learn ways to become good listeners. be creative in solving problems, ease disagreement, reduce conflict using eye messages and deal with anger.
There are additional tips and reminders for post-divorce parents, she notes. Parents are instructed to use common courtesy and be "business-like" in dealing with each other. On the courtesy end, parents should not schedule activities for their children during the other parent's caretaking time. If the parents cannot have argument-free interaction when children are picked up by either parent, the kids should be picked up at a neutral site such as school or at their grandparents' home. If communication is poor between the splitting couple, they should e-mail each other in a business-like manner rather than speak. Communication can also be conducted through a third party.
Parents can be referred to this program through family court judges, attorneys, mediators, mental health professionals, concerned individuals or through self-referral. They are not allowed to attend classes together. For their convenience, if they live in a county other than where they work, they can attend classes in the county of their employment. If the judge according to court rule mandates that parents must attend classes, both have to comply. In a voluntary situation, the choice is left up to the parents, where just one may go.
Parents Get Valuable Pointers While Going Through Divorce
In conclusion, at little or no cost, the 6-8 hour program teaches parents key points including: Taking care of themselves and being the best they can be for their children's sake; reducing stress for their children and helping them adjust to the new situation; ways to reduce conflict in dealing with their soon-to-be ex; being creative in solving problems; and navigating through the legal process.
"(Parents) should go at any stage of their conflict," says Pollet, adding that the program has a "presence" in 62 counties. "It's best if they go as early as possible, even before they file for divorce." Still, she notes, it's useful at any stage, whether it's low, high or right-in-the-middle conflict."
Log on to the New York State Parent Education and Awareness Program Web site for more information including a parent's handbook summarizing the curriculum, a list of certified providers and frequently asked questions by parents.
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